Sadie's first horseback ride
CB#: 4803278064

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This is very meaningful to me right now, in particular the last two lines...

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever Gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gait,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

I had a break down today. (Sorry Mama.) I've been up for the better part of the last three days and nights, and I need to write. Writing is cathartic for me. Y'all might think I'm crazy after you read what I'm about to say. Well, join the club.

The Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome diagnosis just didn't sit right with me, so I have been researching like mad and trying to support my initial hypothesis, my gut feeling, that I have Cushing's. It turns out that Cushing's also causes elevated testosterone and DHEA, especially when the tumor is on the patient's adrenal gland. My upper left kidney has been hurting me for three years now, which is exactly where a Cushing's adrenal tumor would be. When a patient has a tumor on their adrenal gland, it can cause them to overproduce a certain hormone. The hormone depends on the location of the tumor. I am producing twice as much DHEA and testosterone as a man does.

Furthermore, PCOS doesn't cause the thyroid problems I'm having, or the pneumonia, or the Interstitial Cystitis that I was diagnosed with three years ago, but Cushing's does. In fact, I found out that people with Cushing's are three times more likely to have Interstitial Cystitis.

I also found out that the test my doctor ordered isn't protocol for a Cushing's diagnosis, but a 24 hour urinary cortisol test is the standard. I armed myself with this knowledge, printed out numerous pictures that demonstrated my physical changes over the last three years, and presented the evidence to my doctor yesterday. I convinced her to give me the 24 hour urinary cortisol test, which I turned in to the lab this morning. Today I called her office and asked for her to order a cat scan of my left adrenal gland, which she denied, saying it was unnecessary. I assured her that I'll get another doctor to do it, and when that doctor finds that functioning adrenal adenoma on the left side of my body, I'll fax the findings straight over to her. And when I send that fax, in the "comments" section of the cover sheet, I'll write:
1. Told you so.
2. Thanks for nothing.
3. Start listening to your patients.

I don't care how rare a disease Cushing's is. When someone presents with the symptoms, and their quality of life is declining rapidly, then by God you should do what you can to help that person. I'm tired of her band aid responses to all of my ailments. She's already got me on Metformin for the Diabetes and now I'm on hormone therapy to lower my testosterone levels. How many medicines was she going to put me on before she cared enough to find the root of the problem? When my 24 hour urinary test results come in middle of next week, I'll get copies of everything and take them over to my urologist. And if she won't help me, then I'll find a doctor that will. I owe that to myself and my family.

Dear Sadie,

This week you stood up all by yourself everyday.
Also, you've decided you like to put things in cups. (Your cousin, Thatcher, used to do the same thing.) Sometimes you take off your socks and stick them in cups. Other times you put your pacifier, or my phone, or a toy, or whatever is near you at the time, in a cup. If I'm lucky, the cup is empty, but you don't mind if it's not. You'll still use that cup anyway.
It's hard for me to feel sorry for myself when you flash that toothy grin at me. It makes me realize how lucky I am that I was able to have you, and that I am that much luckier still that you're healthy. Thank you for keeping things in perspective for me.

MYSTERY SOLVED (HOPEFULLY)...

This week is a huge week for me. I think I may have finally solved the riddle of my rapidly declining health. As y'all know, my body has been falling apart over the last three years. First, I gained a huge amount of weight in a very short time. Then, I had a hard time overcoming infections. Then, I had kidney and bladder surgery and was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis. Then, I struggled with infertility. We finally got pregnant via artificial insemination, and it was a very rough pregnancy. Then, my thyroid started acting up. Then, I found out I was developing diabetes. Also, in mid-January I found out I had pneumonia. Last week I went to the doctor because I was having a high fever, and the doctor said my breathing was still diminished in my right lung, so he sent me to get my chest x-rayed. It came back positive for pneumonia. Then, I went to the ER Thursday night with side pain, and found out I had a kidney infection. Also, last week my blood pressure got very high.

Meanwhile, my skin has been doing very strange things. I have herpes in my trigeminal nerve, acne, hyperpigmentation (brown spots), broken capillaries (tiny red dots) all over every inch of my body, dry skin spots, stretch marks everywhere, and have developed an allergy to latex. When the dermatologist cut the mole out of my stomach, she said my skin was very thin. Also, sometimes my feet swell.

My anxiety has been terrible, and I recently had to get on an antidepressant. My memory is getting worse and worse, and lately I have noticed my head pulses back and forth sometimes (when my blood pressure is up). I have trouble getting words out of my mouth. I have bad headaches every day, mood swings, severe joint pain, backaches, dizziness, fatigue during the day, insomnia at night, and am so weak that it is often hard for me to open a jar of baby food. Seriously, Sadie is stronger than I am.

I had been feeling like everything had to be connected, like maybe my thyroid was somehow contributing to the diabetes, or that there had to be some underlying reason that my body was failing me. Last week, when I found out I still had pneumonia and that I now had high blood pressure, I knew I had to get to the bottom of things.

I came home and googled "thyroid problems, diabetes, and high blood pressure." Cushing's Disease came up. I read all of the symptoms, and they described me to a tee. I was so excited. I called Mama and told her to look it up. Nurse Enslen told me a long time ago that she was worried about how swollen the area on the back of my neck and between my shoulders looked, and that it was a sign of certain diseases, like lupus. (That's one reason I got tested for lupus.) Anyway, I showed a Cushing's website to Bryant and he also thought I should be tested. I went in to my endocrinologist and told her my concerns. She said they were valid and ordered blood tests. I had the bloodwork done this morning.

Cushing's is a disease in which your pituitary gland or your adrenal glands make too much cortisol. Since cortisol is a stress hormone, too much of it is very bad for your body, thus it produces all of the symptoms I described in the above paragraphs. It makes you age very quickly, and believe me, I feel like I have aged two decades in the last three years. So, I find out in a couple of days whether or not my body is making too much cortisol. I feel like I am finally getting to the root of things.

If I test positive, then there will be other tests to find the source. Most often, Cushing's is caused by a tumor or tumors on the pituitary gland, in which case the tumor is removed. Sometimes the patient has to undergo radiation treatments to ensure that the tumor doesn't grow back. If the tumor is in the adrenal gland, then the adrenal gland is removed.

As you can see, I have been vigorously researching Cushing's. If I test positive, then I feel like I am fortunate to have caught it when I did. The mortality rate is 50% if the disease goes undiagnosed for five years, and I feel like I've had it for at least three. The disease itself doesn't kill you, but it makes you highly likely to have a stroke or heart attack, as well as susceptible to pneumonia and other infections. Unfortunately, it has progressed pretty far if the patient already has chronic pneumonia, but the good news is that many of the symptoms can be reversed with surgery, like diabetes and high blood pressure. I know this sounds weird, but I hope I have the disease, then there is hope that I can be cured and once again live a healthy, happy existence. I'll keep y'all posted

FWD:

Riding the ladybug
CB#: 4803278064

Tickling the Ivories

Sadie's favorite pastime, playing piano with Daddy.

Congratulations Sibley!

Sibley was selected as the RAK student of the week at her school last month. RAK stands for Random Act of Kindness. The way it works is when a teacher sees a student perform an especially good deed, they put that student's name in a box. Then the principal draws a name from the box once a week. The child whose name is drawn has their name displayed on the school sign for the week. (Bryant got a picture of the sign with his cell phone, so I'll have to add that later.) So, congratulations Sibley! We're very proud of you!

A SADIEPALOOZA...

The Copy Cat

The Fake Cry

The Elephant Walk

Sadie's figured out that if she does this Elephant Walk, her knees and feet don't get rugburned.

The Yoga Baby

She does Downward Dog when she's tired.

Rare Photographs of Sadie With A Bow In Her Hair

I was so excited that Sadie finally had enough hair to wear a bow. Well, it wasn't long before she figured out that she can pull them right out.

Sadie's first trip to the E.R.

Sadie fell and her mouth hit the coffee table this morning. I picked her up and blood was pouring out of her mouth and on to her pajamas. I tried to look in and see if she was cut or had knocked a tooth out, but I couldn't tell because there was just too much blood. Luckily, they just opened up an E.R. right down the street from us, so I had her there within 5 minutes. The doctor (who just happens to be married to one of my friends from Alabama, Julie Shumway) said that she has a cut behind her upper lip. That area is very vascular, which is why it bleeds so much, but which is also why it heals so quickly. I had just given her some Motrin right before she fell because she has a cold, so she didn't cry for very long. Anyway, thus concludes a description of Sadie's maiden trip to the E.R.